I have found myself asking this question too many times. For some reason, society seems less concerned with other people and more concerned in their own fulfillment. I would like to post a disclaimer and tell you that there is hope. You don’t have to end up in these situations, but pay attention. It could happen to anyone if you’re not careful. Put yourself first and follow your instincts.
Read the following TRUE anecdotes and try to figure out if you can see what’s coming. If you can, you might be smarter than I was!
He picked me up in his oversized pickup for our first date. We had been talking for a few weeks and it felt like we were really hitting it off. He was a stocky firefighter who had a shy, sweet demeanor. He wasn’t going to be featured in a calendar anytime soon, but he was right up my alley–masculine with a touch of romantic.
We ate at a restaurant on the beach with a pier that jutted out from the back deck. As with most south Florida dining establishments, the wait was going to be significant so we decided to take a walk on the pier and talk. With the ocean and moon as a romantic backdrop, he pulled me in for a passionate kiss.
I always tried not to have any expectations on dates but I couldn’t help but get excited. This date was going perfectly! Conversation at dinner was going amazing as well. We talked about sports, life and work, and the words were flowing steadily.
Having learned my lesson from previous dates, I knew not to get my hopes up but this was great! I had finally met someone with whom my mental and physical attraction matched. As far as first dates go, we were doing pretty well.
Before going home, we shared another kiss and talked more. He even called me on his way home to tell me what a great time he had.
The next day, the good vibes were still flowing. We had been texting back and forth and my hopes were raising. He sent me a text saying that he was so excited to have met someone he really hit it off with. All excitement aside, a warning was going off in the back of my head. There’s something wrong, do your research.
And so, I did. And to my dismay what I found was even worse than I expected. Armed with his first and last name, I found his Facebook. Complete with pictures of his wife- and unborn child. Yes. You read that right. Not only was this piece of excrement married, he was cheating on his pregnant wife!
I was beyond furious. I managed to contain my emotions and simply sent a text saying “is there anything you would like to tell me?” He said no and acted curious. I then told him I knew everything. He attempted to make excuses but I was not about to have any of it. I took a screenshot of all our conversations and sent it to his wife. And then I essentially told him to f*** off.
I started talking to A before I moved back to Miami. He was a sexy, recently divorced cop whom I had really hit it off with. Typically I would not waste my time on someone who was so fresh out of a relationship, but he practically begged that I give him a fair shot.
Soon after we began speaking, that familiar (but annoying) alarm started going off. I did the necessary research and discovered that this man was still married. When I confronted him, he admitted he was separated but was in the middle of a divorce. I told him that I thought we should postpone any relationship until it was official. He agreed and we ceased communication.
Fast forward a few months later, I started working in the area he patrolled. One night, he pulled up next to me with his blue lights on smiling and laughing. I sent a text and then the sparks started flying.
We started meeting up frequently. Spending one night talking in his car until almost sunrise. In between, we talked and used Skype constantly. The chemistry was strong… and then it wasn’t.
Suddenly, his demeanor changed, and when I confronted him, he finally admitted that he did not want to pursue a relationship. That’s all fine, except he had been telling me for months that he did want one-with me. He just needed time.
After all of the time I had invested, he told me he didn’t want a relationship at all. He needed time to recover from his divorce, which was now official.
For the record, a few months later, he was in a relationship with someone else.
Why? Why lead someone on with false hope? Why act like you want someone when you have no intentions of a future? Why intentionally disappoint another person? What is wrong with people? I may never know the answer to this.
In my next post, I will give advice on how you can avoid scenarios like these. You do not have to feel like you’re in a soap opera!
Until then, keep on truckin’!